Emotional dependency is when a person relies on and/or becomes dependent on any person, achievement, object or outcome (or a combination of these) for happiness. It can present itself in many different ways. Oftentimes, people do not even realize they have become emotionally dependent. People who are emotionally dependent are trapped in a system of fear, self-neglect, self-ridicule and irresponsibility which leads to reckless and impulsive behaviors. Emotional dependency steals one’s freedom and inevitably demands that unhappiness, discontentedness and misery engulf one’s life. People who are stuck in emotional dependency are always looking outside of themselves for happiness. The only way to stop emotional dependency and live a life of freedom and peace is to look within.
The state of our world gives us every excuse not to be happy. Society teaches us to consume and rely on material goods for our sense of self-worth. We tell ourselves we will be happy when we make x-amount of money; when we drive the car we want; when we get the “perfect” lover; when we get the perfect body; when we get tickets to see Beyonce at Coachella; and so on. With so much going on we can even fall victim to being emotionally dependent on global crises and social and economic calamities. We tell ourselves we cannot be happy because there is war; because the environment is suffering from pollution; because political campaigns and politicians are policing our bodies and our rights; and so on. However, if we want to attract abundance, create positive change in our world and finally get to see Beyonce live (trust me you want to), we have to learn to free our minds. We have to learn that our happiness does not lie in the future but in the present.
Overcoming emotional dependency is not the same as disregarding our emotions. In fact, it is quite the opposite. When we overcome emotional dependency, we are free to experience and reflect upon our emotions in a healthy way. We are able to be “in but not of the world”. When we become emotionally free we take back our power and are able to direct our energy in constructive and rewarding ways. We are able to take care of ourselves so that we can uplift, encourage, help and give to others.
A few benefits of emotional freedom are;
- The development of a positive self-image and authentic confidence
- The ability to manage emotions in a healthy way
- The ability to respond to situations instead of react
- The development of compassion, forgiveness and self-respect
- The development of a more peaceful and happy fulfilled life
Emotional freedom breaks the chains of mental slavery; we are no longer allowing outward events and other people to dictate how we feel and how we react.
The first step in making any change is to self-evaluate and take note of what is not working for us. Start journaling your emotional experiences every day. When you feel your energy shift from peace to that of anger, fear, stress, anxiety, sadness and/or self-pity, write down what happened. By keeping an Emotional Journal you will be able to review your day and notice what factors steal your joy. Being more self-aware will push you to make necessary changes. It will also allow you to take action when and where you can and will help you know when to let go.
Emotional dependency, like any other habit, will be hard to break. It is much easier to get rid of self-destructing habits when new, self-constructive habits are formed. In order to replace emotional dependency a new intention must consciously be practiced through subtle action. For instance; when those harmful emotions arise, become aware of them, do not judge them, but replace them with gratitude, self-appreciation and feelings of joy and love. Eventually you will become dependent on self-love and appreciation and look inside yourself for happiness. When you feel low self-esteem, anger or other dependent emotions, recognize who and/or what you’re comparing yourself to. Then, counter your false opinions by recognizing facts. For instance; the fact may be you have less money than your neighbor, but it is your own personal opinion that you are less than because of this.
Use Meditation and Prayer
Meditation and prayer can be a powerful tool to help you overcome emotional dependency. If you believe in a power higher than yourself, use prayer as a means to seek support in creating a more peaceful and happy life. Always start your prayers with gratitude! This will confirm to the universe, God and your higher self (your spirit) that you are open to change. After you’ve prayed, use meditation as a means to receive loving vibrations and positive reinforcement from your Source. As you quiet your mind, set the intention that you will receive what you need in order to be successful on your path to emotional freedom. Prayer is also a way to change circumstances around you. Prayer confirms our faith and helps us to recognize that a powerful force works through us to make the world a better place. The force is with us and we can all be Jedi Knights.
Patience is key! Do not expect to change overnight. If you are emotionally dependent, chances are you’ve been that way all your life. Your brain patterns are set on emotional dependency so changing them will take time. Remember every bit of change, no matter how small, is progress. Do not judge your process, but support yourself in love.
Sending love and positivity to you always.
Angela Christine Davis