Emotional Dependency: How to Create Emotional Freedom in Your Life

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Emotional dependency is when a person relies on and/or becomes dependent on any person, achievement, object or outcome (or a combination of these) for happiness. It can present itself in many different ways. Oftentimes, people do not even realize they have become emotionally dependent. People who are emotionally dependent are trapped in a system of fear, self-neglect, self-ridicule and irresponsibility which leads to reckless and impulsive behaviors. Emotional dependency steals one’s freedom and inevitably demands that unhappiness, discontentedness and misery engulf one’s life. People who are stuck in emotional dependency are always looking outside of themselves for happiness. The only way to stop emotional dependency and live a life of freedom and peace is to look within.

The state of our world gives us every excuse not to be happy. Society teaches us to consume and rely on material goods for our sense of self-worth. We tell ourselves we will be happy when we make x-amount of money; when we drive the car we want; when we get the “perfect” lover; when we get the perfect body; when we get tickets to see Beyonce at Coachella; and so on. With so much going on we can even fall victim to being emotionally dependent on global crises and social and economic calamities. We tell ourselves we cannot be happy because there is war; because the environment is suffering from pollution; because political campaigns and politicians are policing our bodies and our rights; and so on. However, if we want to attract abundance, create positive change in our world and finally get to see Beyonce live (trust me you want to), we have to learn to free our minds. We have to learn that our happiness does not lie in the future but in the present.

Overcoming emotional dependency is not the same as disregarding our emotions. In fact, it is quite the opposite. When we overcome emotional dependency, we are free to experience and reflect upon our emotions in a healthy way. We are able to be “in but not of the world”. When we become emotionally free we take back our power and are able to direct our energy in constructive and rewarding ways. We are able to take care of ourselves so that we can uplift, encourage, help and give to others.

A few benefits of emotional freedom are;

  • The development of a positive self-image and authentic confidence
  • The ability to manage emotions in a healthy way
  • The ability to respond to situations instead of react
  • The development of compassion, forgiveness and self-respect
  • The development of a more peaceful and happy fulfilled life

Emotional freedom breaks the chains of mental slavery; we are no longer allowing outward events and other people to dictate how we feel and how we react.

Self-evaluation
The first step in making any change is to self-evaluate and take note of what is not working for us. Start journaling your emotional experiences every day. When you feel your energy shift from peace to that of anger, fear, stress, anxiety, sadness and/or self-pity, write down what happened. By keeping an Emotional Journal you will be able to review your day and notice what factors steal your joy. Being more self-aware will push you to make necessary changes. It will also allow you to take action when and where you can and will help you know when to let go.

Introduce Intention
Emotional dependency, like any other habit, will be hard to break. It is much easier to get rid of self-destructing habits when new, self-constructive habits are formed. In order to replace emotional dependency a new intention must consciously be practiced through subtle action. For instance; when those harmful emotions arise, become aware of them, do not judge them, but replace them with gratitude, self-appreciation and feelings of joy and love. Eventually you will become dependent on self-love and appreciation and look inside yourself for happiness. When you feel low self-esteem, anger or other dependent emotions, recognize who and/or what you’re comparing yourself to. Then, counter your false opinions by recognizing facts. For instance; the fact may be you have less money than your neighbor, but it is your own personal opinion that you are less than because of this.

Use Meditation and Prayer
Meditation and prayer can be a powerful tool to help you overcome emotional dependency. If you believe in a power higher than yourself, use prayer as a means to seek support in creating a more peaceful and happy life. Always start your prayers with gratitude! This will confirm to the universe, God and your higher self (your spirit) that you are open to change. After you’ve prayed, use meditation as a means to receive loving vibrations and positive reinforcement from your Source. As you quiet your mind, set the intention that you will receive what you need in order to be successful on your path to emotional freedom. Prayer is also a way to change circumstances around you. Prayer confirms our faith and helps us to recognize that a powerful force works through us to make the world a better place. The force is with us and we can all be Jedi Knights.

Be Patient
Patience is key! Do not expect to change overnight. If you are emotionally dependent, chances are you’ve been that way all your life. Your brain patterns are set on emotional dependency so changing them will take time. Remember every bit of change, no matter how small, is progress. Do not judge your process, but support yourself in love.

Sending love and positivity to you always.
Emotionally free,
Angela Christine Davis

How to Get Through Your Lack of Self-Confidence

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Confidence is the feeling or belief that we can rely on someone or something. It is firm trust, and trust is at the center of every relationship. Trust is what allows us to be open, vulnerable, honest and interdependent on others. Self-confidence is the belief that we can rely on our own abilities, it’s really trusting ourselves. When we trust ourselves we are at peace, we can be open and honest with ourselves, free to experience, learn and grow. When we lose self-confidence, we stop our growth, expect failure and ultimately lead unfulfilling lives.

What takes our trust from us?

Think back to a time that you can remember where you didn’t trust in yourself. Maybe you wouldn’t apply to a job because you didn’t feel you would get the position. Maybe you didn’t try out for a team or a part in a play because you didn’t feel you would make the cut. Maybe you didn’t go back to school because you didn’t feel smart enough, good enough or worth it. Maybe you didn’t start the business, or climb the mountain, or compose the symphony, all because you didn’t trust yourself. What causes us to doubt ourselves? Where do we lose our trust? How can we build it back up?

Just like other beliefs and habits, self-confidence (or the lack there of) is something we learn from an early age. We experience situations that build or diminish our trust in others. Likewise, we experience situations that build or diminish our trust in ourselves. As children we are taught that we are good or bad depending on our behavior and our accomplishments. We look to the adults around us for validation. If we aren’t validated by adults, we can experience a shattering of self-confidence and start a cycle of looking outside of ourselves for confirmation of our worthiness.

Maybe you experienced the shattering of trust at an early age, like me. Maybe it happened later through a divorce, a “failure” or the loss of a loved one. Maybe you just aren’t using your gifts so you don’t know how great you really are. Either way, in order to regain our confidence and keep it, we must identify the vices that take our power from us. We have to be transparent with ourselves.

Once we have identified the situation(s) that broke our trust, we have to take our power back. We have to realize the only power that fuels our confidence is an authentic power, an internal power. It is the God-given talents and gifts inside us that allow us to realize our worth and our potential. EVERYONE HAS GIFTS, TALENTS, WORTH AND POTENTIAL. We have real power that is not based on physical things like money or people. It’s not even based on our experiences. These are all examples of external power (power outside of ourselves, power that we could lose). We have to connect with a deeper sense of who we are, have trust in ourselves and know we are worthy, simply because we are.

When we understand our power lies within, we must exercise our trust, just like we exercise our gluts. We have to think of our self-confidence as a muscle, the more we work it, the stronger it becomes. Here are a few ways to get a butt-kicking mental workout that will get you through your lack of self-confidence and begin the healing process to authenticity.

Connect to your Higher Power.

Our trust is usually broken because we place our self-worth and expectations in the hands of others. We feel disappointed in ourselves for things we can’t change. Connecting with a power higher than ourselves allows us to understand that we cannot control situations or other people. This helps us to build up our confidence on solid foundation. We can find the peace that surpasses all understanding by letting go of things we never had control over and by releasing the judgement that comes with it. God got it, and karma always sees freewill.

Recognize yourself for your hard work, AND be your own coach (not critic).

Oftentimes we criticize ourselves but there is no real coaching involved. A coach does not merely criticize but corrects, teaches, guides and encourages. If we notice something we would like to change about ourselves, we cannot stop there. We have to work with ourselves to find a solution, teach ourselves in love (or seek teaching from others), guide ourselves by being disciplined, listen to our spirit and encourage ourselves to no end. Speak good things over yourself, no matter how small. Just finding things you like about yourself is a great self-confidence exercise.

Watch your circle.

In order to build up our confidence we have to make sure we are not around people who tear down the progress we make. We can be the most confident people in the world, but as we consistently spend time with people who lack confidence in their abilities, a transfer of energy ALWAYS happens. When people are unhappy with themselves, they are more likely to criticize you. We have to make sure we are transferring energy with like minded people, people who trust themselves and are trust worthy. You are not only what you eat, you are who you spend time with.

Keep clear of distractions.

We have the ideas, the gifts and the means to reach our goals but we are distracted before we can even start. We expend all our energy on distractions (like people, drama, and for many of us, social media) and then end up breaking our own trust because we don’t follow through. This causes serious depletions of our self-confidence. When we don’t follow through with our promises to ourselves, we tell ourselves we aren’t worth it. We literally break our own trust. We have to take ourselves serious and make ourselves a priority. Take care of yourself, develop healthy boundaries and learn to say no (I promise it won’t kill them!).

Use fear to your advantage.

Sometimes we lose confidence in our abilities because we never use our abilities! That’s right, fear halts confidence just like a lack of confidence halts production. This is where being real with ourselves comes in. If we know we have the abilities and gifts but aren’t even trying to reach our goals, we are killing our confidence. A lot of times this happens because we feel fear and we stop. Sometimes fear lets us know when we are going to get hurt, but oftentimes fear is the thing that lets us know we are about to break through! Learn the difference between the two and you can use fear to your advantage.

Stay BALANCED.

Balance is a key to confidence. We have to balance our lives in all aspects because a healthy us is a confident us. Remember to have fun, live and save room for happiness. Meditation is a great way to stay balanced; it quiets your mind and allows you to be present. Other ways to stay balanced are: spending time with those you love, being grounded in prayer, writing in a Gratitude Diary, going out with friends, spending time in nature, starting a new fitness class, or watching a good comedy! However you get balanced, do more of it to stay happy, strong and confident.

Remember, confidence is something we consistently have to practice. Fear, self-doubt and temporary setbacks staged as failures will always be around. We have to work through them. Everyone, no matter how successful or well-known they are, will feel a lack of confidence at some point. The difference between feeling low on confidence and building it up is continuing through the setbacks. Remember the breath thats in you has the power to move you towards the finish line, just don’t stop!

Feel free to share your thoughts, comments and questions (I take virtual hugs as well). Like what you read? Share it 🙂
Sending love and positivity always,
Angela Christine Davis
Ardorologist